Prefer an "engrossed titan" who ignores "the queries of an inquisitive female, pulling her towards him and crushing her sagging nipples to his yearning chest"?
Want your narrator's consciousness to return "in stygmatic pools as his mind gradually cleared of the cobwebs cluttering its inner recesses, yet the stygian cloud of charcoal ebony remained"?
Obsessed with "expertly chisled forms of grotesque gargoyles that graced the oblique rim protruberating the length of the grim orifice of death, staring forever ahead into nothingness in complete ignorance of the bloody rites enacted in their prescence"?
Desire to see the villain "clutching his urinary gland as his knees wobbled rapidly about for a few seconds then buckled, causing the ruptured shaman to collapse in an egg huddled mass to the granite pavement, rolling helplessly about in his agony"?
Then you must join this quest for "the many fauceted scarlet emerald," posthaste.
Just awesome. Would be five stars had Delaney told it true that it's intentional satire. As Theis was a real guy, poor thing, it's on the other end of Poe's Law.